I want to know the future. Actually, I want to control the future. I am a planer. I prepare. I love calendars. I had plans for my life. I started out working on Plan A, aka the perfect life. I soon abandoned that for plan B, that didn’t work out so plan C.

A few years ago when Ron and I were both working full-time, we had read Dave Ramsey’s book on finances and we had done a couple of the steps. We had gotten out of debt and we had emergency saving, but not catastrophe savings. We had a rainy day savings account, but we hadn’t planned on a tsunami of medical bills or Ron being “under the weather” for so long.

My plans kept changing and I don’t really like change. I have trouble being flexible – I don’t even do Yoga! I knew that God was in control of my life, but my attitude was more like “what’s next?” Things certainly weren’t going according to my calendar or plan and at many points I didn’t have much hope. I knew the Bible promised that all things work together for good; yet, I roamed the aisles of Rite-aid looking for something to control the acid that felt like a volcano erupting in my stomach. My future felt uncertain. Knowing what you believe is one thing; living like you believe it is another.

In case you are thinking she’s whiny. I am. I was born with the personality of Eeyore. It’s no secret at my house; my children even bought me my own stuffed Eeyore and pajamas to match. During my recent trials, I fully realized there were many people that had worse problems than me. All I had to do was turn on the news or read a prayer-request list to see what was going on around me, and yet I had trouble letting go of my ideal future.

When Ron went on medical leave back in 2012 we filed for disability that January. For several months, I received letter after letter from the disability company delaying their decision. One day, as I sat on the couch reading the latest letter and worrying aloud. Ron said, “Honey, the Lord has ALWAYS taken care of us.” Even in his medicated state and in excruciating pain he had more hope than me. Our family members and close friends supported us literally and figuratively. As humbling as it was, I went to a ministry for food boxes.

So we waited from January until July. The lady from the disability company called, she said as she was reviewing Ron’s case to send us the DENIAL letter, she noticed they had somehow overlooked some “important medical records.” Based on a review of those records Ron WAS eligible for disability payments. I did a happy dance. The Lord did take care of us. Just not in the way I had planned and not according to my calendar.

My grandma used to say, “Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.” Sometimes the creek does rise, but we are not to lose hope when our future looks uncertain. Even when life doesn’t go according to plan A, B or even C. Maybe you get to plan D: for disability, disaster, disappointment, disease or discouragement. Christians are not immune to problems. Sometimes life IS hard.

I’ll be honest, when I’m unhappy, I find comfort in Carbs: Vanilla Wafers, banana pudding, chicken potpies, and Pepperoni Pizza. I encourage you not to get discouraged because, if you’re like me, you might gain 30 pounds. I recently went to the doctor’s office. I followed the sweet young nurse to the back. As I got ready to step on the scale, she said “you can take off your shoes if you want.” Really? I thought. I weight over 180 pounds and you think I’m worried about 7 ounces of flip-flops.

We all have times where we are struggling and juggling. If you are, I suggest getting Biblical counseling. I had a few older godly women that I could go to for prayer and advice and I am so thankful that I did. There is wisdom in a multitude of counselors.

Over the last few years, I have gone through MY plans A, B, C, D, and then E. Plan E stood for exhausted. MY plan F included food, fiascos, failures, flops, and faith-less-ness. Finally, I arrived at Plan G – God’s Plan. In God’s Plan, God is in Control. He WAS always in Control, but my plans had to fail for me to see it.

I’m learning to be more flexible. I still write my plans on a calendar – but now I use a pencil with an eraser – in case they change.

“All things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28)