Many times over the years, I have been around sick people. I owe them an apology – and unfortunately, many of them are not here to receive it. You’re probably wondering, “What could she have done now?” Well, let me tell you. When visiting at the hospital, their homes, or just running into them, I commented on their appearance; “Wow, you look great!” “I love your hair (a wig)!” or “I’m surprised to see you looking so good!” Everyone loves compliments, right?

I think back to three specific visits; a woman who had recently had part of her intestines removed, a friend who was dying from cancer, and a man who had suffered a stroke. They could and probably should have yelled at me; “I am suffering,” “I’m dying– who cares about my hair!” or “Are you blind, my left side is paralyzed and I may never walk again.” Yes, they did look good – but I wish instead of complimenting them, I should have touched their arms and said, “I’m so happy to see you and I’m so sorry you’re sick.”

I am amazed at the grace I was shown. Sick people seem to be given an extra measure of graciousness or perhaps it is the pain mediation.

My husband has been sick for a long time. He has had numerous surgeries. He is not well. BUT…HE LOOKS MARVELOUS! When we see anyone we know, they compliment him and tell him how healthy he looks. I want to carry x-rays in my purse that show the screws inserted in his spine that are causing him so much pain. I want to enlarge the picture the hand surgeon took of the tumor compressing the Median Nerve in his wrist. I want to read the long prescription list that I am in charge of dispensing.

I asked Ron, “Does it bother you that everyone compliments you?” “Why?” he asked. “Because,” I insisted, “it’s as if they are dismissing how sick you are.” He lovingly replied, “Honey, they were just being nice.” And they were.

I have learned a lesson. I now know the difference between sympathy and empathy. When I visited a sick person in the past, I had sympathy for them and was truly sorry they were sick. Now, I can empathize because I have seen sick close up and it’s not pretty. From observation, I can tell you that pain wears you out, taking medications is tedious, and being constantly ill is the pits.
Lord willing, when Ron gets well, we will have the privilege of going on hospital visits and I know just what I’m going to say.