Jesus Loves Me This I Know

I watched my husband, Ron, endure 12 surgeries in five years. Then I hurt myself taking care of him. Two weeks after our health insurance was cancelled, my doctor called and said, “Your severe pain is caused by a herniated disk. You’ll need surgery.” Soon after that, I had my first panic attack.

I remembered back to the night I became a Christian. The pastor had read his Bible and quoted John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” I knew God had not changed and that He still loved me. Yet, because of my pain and our circumstances, I allowed anxiety to became my constant companion. Knowing what you believe is one thing; living like you believe it is another.

During the recent few years of trials, I didn’t feel loved. I’m old enough to know that I’m not supposed to base anything on the way I FEEL, but sometimes I do. Of course, on top of my unstable emotions, my rebellious body chose to enter menopause as if on cue. I had night sweats to go along with my insomnia, hot flashes, mood swings, and growth of facial hair. On my older and wiser sister-in-law’s advice, I traded in my tweezers for a razor.

I was married to a very strong Christian man, who had always made me feel very secure and loved, but he was very sick and the medications made him foggy. For the first time in my adult life, I didn’t have him to lean on. When I talk about the past three-½ years and tell something that happened, Ron doesn’t remember and will ask, “Where was I?” I reply, “It happened while you were sleeping.”

In the past few years, God has shown His love to us thru people—big people and little people. Our children showed up to sit beside the hospital beds and next to the couch. They have shown their love and devotion in so many ways. The grandchildren have constantly piled on top of Ron on the couch to keep him company. Some friends prepared meals for us; others stopped by with a sandwich from the Katella Deli or delivered homemade egg rolls. We received baskets of goodies, anonymous gifts and encouraging cards. Ron had comfy socks for after surgery, endless DVDs to watch, and faithful visitors. For months, others cleaned our house and mowed our lawn. We are amazed and humbled by the amount of love that has been shown to us through our family and friends.

During the Christmas season of 2013, some Christmas carolers knocked at our door. It was a homeschool group of kids and their parents. They sang to us of God’s love and His gift given to us when Jesus was born. Ron and I stood on our porch and cried because God’s love literally showed up on our doorstep.

Jesus loves me this I know – for the Bible tells me so

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

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